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darrkang3l
Hatchling

United Kingdom
403 Posts
Posted - 09/04/2012 :  16:26:54  Show Profile  Visit darrkang3l's Homepage  Reply with Quote

A dog is truly a man's best friend.

If you don't believe it. just try this experiment.

Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the boot which one is really happy to see you?



Two goldfish are in a tank.

one turns to the other and says. "How the **** do you drive this?"



Some yob attacked me down the local park tonight with a bat.

I was really impressed at how well he had trained it.


0.0.1 Corn Snakes (myst)
0.1.0 Leopard gecko (Meg)
0.1.0 Girlfriend. (Mel)
0.1.0 Staffy (molly)
1.1.0 Royal pythons
Wish list - Chinese water dragon, Tegu! Rainbow boa!

R.I.P Shayde
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nickyff
Yearling

507 Posts
Posted - 09/04/2012 :  23:32:01  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
laFFs- love that last one about the bat- thats a classic
and you thought there was no such thing as a stupid question....



1.2.0 corns: captain haddock, sharon the tiddler and Darling Debbie. plus 0.2.0 cali kings: spot and Numpty... not forgetting the delightful Miss Lovely-Gonzalez-La-Poop apricot pueblan milk snake, and we all miss the Lodger who thought he was a cobra....
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Vince_the_snake
Yearling

United Kingdom
553 Posts
Posted - 10/04/2012 :  08:32:48  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?





The Holocaust.
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343guiltyspark
Hatchling

United Kingdom
451 Posts
Posted - 28/04/2012 :  17:32:38  Show Profile  Visit 343guiltyspark's Homepage  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by nickyff

@katie- i heard a different version of that one--

Q- what's the difference between a duck?
A- one of its legs is both the same


seems yr sense of humour is, like mine, slightly sideways .....


I don't get it!

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343guiltyspark
Hatchling

United Kingdom
451 Posts
Posted - 28/04/2012 :  17:34:05  Show Profile  Visit 343guiltyspark's Homepage  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by reptillian23

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?

The Holocaust.


Don't get this one either!!!

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a2c7
Hatchling

United Kingdom
320 Posts
Posted - 30/04/2012 :  16:40:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
The "What's the difference between a duck?" is quoted in Postal, a Uwe Boll film. The main character is at an interview for a job and one of the questions is that. Funny scene :)

What's the Internet's favorite animal?

The lynx.
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mkmattyk
banned

United Kingdom
837 Posts
Posted - 30/04/2012 :  17:52:37  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Q: What kind of snake is good at math? A: An adder.


Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching? Because he had his own scales!

Which hand would you use to pick up a dangerous snake? Someone else's!
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343guiltyspark
Hatchling

United Kingdom
451 Posts
Posted - 30/04/2012 :  18:01:22  Show Profile  Visit 343guiltyspark's Homepage  Reply with Quote
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig ?
A boar constrictor !

What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird ?
A feather boa !

What should you do if you find a snake sleeping in your bed ?
Sleep in the wardrobe !

What do you get if you cross a snake and a hotdog ?
A fangfurter !

What do snakes have on their bath towels ?
Hiss and Hers !


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